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Kryptonauts Review

264 views - 2likes

Spotted this game on a list of the "Top Cyberpunk Games to Play", decided to have a go at it. Said list referenced both the original and the "new" 2012 version, so I bought both and played this one first on my Xbox One X (it's available as a backwards compatible Xbox 360 game).

It's, well, definitely cyberpunk. About as on-the-nose cyberpunk as you can get.

[Deep, dramatic announcer voice:] "The year is 2069... where the megacorps run humanity into the ground... where food is scarce and war is imminent... there are-" [Dramatic Pause] "-AGENTS..."

You get the idea.

I don't wanna go down the whole "EA=BAD" review trope but, well, it's EA, and it's a pretty "meh" game. Shooting is wobbly, running is wobbly, your head: wobbly. Overall the game just feels weirdly wobbly, like you're running drunk pretty much the whole time.

It's not all negative though, as I'll state in the "Positive Points" section. I just want to leave you with this: was it fun? Yes it was. Will I play again? Nope, I'm good.

Positive points
  • First, there is an interesting run-and-gun mechanic that I honestly don't think I've seen before (you can sprint *and* shoot your pistol), it makes for some high-octane kills and was pretty fun.
  • "Breaching" and the bullet-time mechanic were useful, and when sprinting around they made for some honestly cool combo moments. One in particular I remember was a moment of hacking a dude's brain to explode, killing two and downing another, while I threw a grenade to finish him off, turning on bullet time, doing a 180, and sniping two more dudes across the hall, all in the span of 3 or 4 seconds.
  • Lastly, the soundtrack is pretty killer. It's extremely 2012, but for me that's not a bad thing. Heavy electro and dubstep from the early days of the decade helped set the atmosphere for the intense firefights I found myself in.
Negative points
  • First off, movement is not fluid. At all. In fact, you often feel like you're trudging through slime when trying to run. Jumping and clambering (yeah, right) are very clumsy. Also, technically there is a slide mechanic, but boy good luck getting that to work right.
  • The story is pretty shite. Cyberpunk, more like Cybertrope, amirite? Seriously, literally nothing in this story was unexpected; well, except for one particular character's silky smooth voice drizzling honey in my ears (that's a negative point because this game has no proper right to stir my loins like that while I'm in a firefight).
  • Finally, there is the one truly god-annoying thing I hated to my core. This game being set in EA's version of the future, your brain implant identifies everything around you, at all times. These dumb, intrusive pop-ups identifying the wrench on the ground or the broken beer bottles or literally the staple New York piles of trash made it hard to find objectives while in slow moments in-between firefights.

Total score